Some Risks Involved with Surrogacy

What if something goes terribly wrong and I myself cannot have any more children, or worse, what if I risk my life in this whole process?

This is a question that Clark and I had to ask ourselves before we would commit to being a surrogate. It’s also something that the Psychologist had to address, so we know it’s a serious question. Furthermore, Hope herself addressed this very question with me when we were corresponding in the very beginning. She wanted to make sure we understood the potential risks. I have several different thoughts on the subject. I’m not sure how I rank my opinions according to their importance, but they’re my thoughts nonetheless.

This is the example I gave to Clark just the other night:

There are different kinds of risks in this world. There is the risk that I will climb in my car to go to work, and I will get in a car accident that will paralyze or even kill me. My family could be driving to dinner on Saturday evening and we could get in a serious accident; but these are risks that we don’t think of in our everyday lives because they aren’t going to stop us from getting in our car.

Then there are risks that I consider foolish. They are the impulsive thrill junkie risks that people think they need in order to have that “rush.” Sky diving, bungee jumping, cliff diving, etc. If Clark, who is a father, husband, son, and brother, decides he wants to be a thrill junkie and go jump out of an airplane for some stupid “rush,” I would consider that selfish and absurd. He is leaving his family, and risking so much, for a very selfish and foolish thing. Now I’m not gonna stop him from getting in his car, even though he runs the risk of getting in an accident every day. But in that situation, he’s going about his everyday life, and not seeking out the risk. If something truly serious happened while he was jumping off a bridge, I would never be able to forgive him. There are enough things that can go wrong in this world without seeking them out for the sake of a “rush.” I realize many of you may feel differently about my thrill seeker’s opinion, but that’s how I feel and I always have.

Now I’ve established, (in my opinion) two very different kinds of risks. I do however feel like having Hope’s baby is somewhere on a whole new level. Although I am not simply climbing in my car, and I’m not jumping out of an airplane, I am going out of my way to do something that poses risks. However, I am not doing them for selfish or foolish reasons. You cannot say that giving Hope a baby is selfish, and you cannot say bringing a baby into their family is a foolish thing to do. If you do think that, you need to rethink your belief system.

So I am going out of my way, and may be risking something very serious in the process, but I feel good, and am doing something good for another family.

The way I see it, every pregnancy has its risks. I could have died having Brynlee. She could have been my last baby due to complications. So just because it will be Hope’s baby, it doesn’t mean I’m drastically increasing my chances of complications. Something can always go wrong. I know that the concept of carrying twins is a little more scary, but that’s because it is a little more involved. Twins don’t always go full term, twins can be harder on your body, etc. Clark and I could get pregnant with twins ourselves, and my concerns would be exactly the same. But all this time, all I can think of is doing this for Hope.

I do have three beautiful children. But my husband only has one that is biologically his. We would both love to have more children, and that is our plan. Plans don’t always go according to plan, but if we are able, we will have more children. Clark and I would be heartbroken if something went wrong and we couldn’t have another baby of our own, but I would not regret being a surrogate for one minute. If I went to Africa to work with orphans, and got in an accident along the way, would I regret going and helping the children? I try to imagine myself in so many situations similar to that, and I can’t see myself regretting the decision to help another family. I can’t tell you exactly how Clark and I would react to not being able to have another baby, but I can tell you our reaction would not be regret. It would also not be resentment. Never.

In many surrogacy situations, the intended parents will pay for the surrogate to have life insurance. I didn’t have life insurance when I was pregnant with Taylor, Brionna or Brynlee. Clark and I didn’t see any reason to nickel and dime Hope and her husband any more than necessary, even in the case of life insurance. Our Psychologist urged us to consider our decision carefully, and we did.

I am on lots of medications, most of them natural hormones that my body already produces, and I’m not worried about the medications posing any risk to my health. I also know that I’ve had 3 children, and pregnancies are hard on a woman’s body, but women are meant to have children. I haven’t had a doctor tell me that I am high risk and should consider not having any more children, so I’m not worried about it. Other than morning sickness and back pain, I’ve had extremely good pregnancies.

So there you have it. My oh so eloquent and flowing thoughts on risks involved with being a surrogate : )