Following My LDS Surrogate Experience and More!


Following my LDS Surrogate Experience and More! I hope to share my experience and perspective with you. My adventures starts back in September of 2011, and I hope you can follow along and be a part of my journey! I follow one successful and one unsuccessful attempt at gestational surrogacy. Also, make sure to visit my Intended Mother's blogs (with a link to the right) The purpose of my blog is to educate people all over the world about gestational surrogacy and a little about the LDS Church's position regarding surrogacy. If you are somewhere in the process, whether you are an intended parent, a surrogate, or you plan to become one soon, I hope my blog can help put some perspective in your life. Please feel free to leave comments. I have the opportunity to be involved with such a unique and special experience. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I also plan to express my love for the Gospel throughout my scribblings. Thank You for visiting!

Monday, November 14, 2011

8 Pregnancy Tests Don't Lie!


The official “knowing without a doubt” that we are pregnant has finally come!

They let Hope call me as soon as she got her phone call! She was crying and laughing at the same time. I was smiling from ear to ear. I had always been pretty darn sure, but there was just something about having every doubt wiped completely away. We are having a baby. At least one! Hope, Hope’s Husband, Clark and I are all having a baby. I wish I could truly describe the emotions behind it all. It is an experience unlike any other. I have never experienced anything like it. Having a child of my own is the only thing that can remotely compare to the excitement, but then there are of course so many differences in the emotions behind it all. Hearing her voice so elated on the other end of the phone line was something I have been waiting for and dreaming about for so long now. I could almost see her face. I turned to Brionna and said, “Mommy is having a baby for Hope! Her baby’s in my tummy!” She jumped up and down and danced in circles and I danced right along with her. I called Clark. He had been waiting for my phone call for hours, seeing how they promised us a phone call by noon, and it was going on 2:00pm! I could hear his smile when he talked. He couldn’t bear the thought of letting Hope down any more than I could. He wouldn’t allow himself to trust the pregnancy tests. He was holding out for the blood test like the rest of us. Hope said there is a good chance she will come up for the ultrasound when we try to find out the sex of the baby(s). It will be so much fun to have her there with me! There is a pretty darn good chance we will take a trip to Illinois to visit her family in the next few months. I figure we will head down when my belly is good and round, but we won’t cut it close to the end, especially if we are having more than one baby. I have always wanted to go to Nauvoo, and I can’t think of a better opportunity to go than now! There will be so much more to the trip than just the sights; I can’t wait to spend more time with Hope, her husband and her girls!

It’s all so surreal. She said the very same thing. They have been working so hard, with no success, and it’s just so hard to believe it this time around. I have had one specific thought all morning long though. It was meant to work this time. All the other times that it never worked out, it was because it wasn’t the right time. I know it was so hard for them to have disappointment after disappointment. There were times it felt hopeless, and they felt like giving up. I’m so glad they didn’t. I never would have found them. We never would have come so far, we never would have gotten pregnant! They now have a baby on the way, and I get to be a part of their experience, I get to share in their joy. And the experience that I get to take away from it will forever change my life. I have already learned so much. I am so very anxious to know how it is all going to happen. The next 9 months will be filled with so much, it’s overwhelming to try to picture it all. Hope said she has never allowed herself to dream past the transfer, and now there is so much to dream about. She said she is ready to join me in the blogging world! She is ready to announce to her family that they have a baby on the way!

I hope she doesn’t hate me for sharing this with you, but I wanted to share a small part of an email she sent me a couple days ago. It was after we had several positive pregnancy tests. Her email was so simple, but so sweet. I cried.

"This is surreal. I just can't believe this is actually working this time!!! I've already been calculating due dates and as best as I can guess it would be around July 25th. I'm so happy that I don't have to worry about whether or not you care about my baby. There is so much comfort in having a friend carry my most precious possessions. Words can't express how happy and excited I am. I'm really glad that the news has come on gradually. The phone call from the clinic always about gives me a heart-attack. I can literally remember tiny details of every time they called me with news in the past (where I was, what the smells were, what I was eating). They are traumatic memories to me. I'm glad that when I pick up the phone on Monday afternoon, I'll already know what they are going to say and that it will be good. I wish I could be there-- I want to help you out. The money doesn't seem good enough. Meals and a babysitter is what you need when you are so exhausted. I hate being so far away. Vanessa, you truly are my angel. I hope you realize that this act of service is the ultimate of Christ-like service. You are doing for me what I cannot do for myself and you will have lots of suffering as a consequence. I think about how it is not only you suffering but also your family as consequence. I recognize this fully and want you to know that I APPRECIATE IT so very much. I know your sweet little girls will get less mommy time and Clark is going to have to take on so much more. Thank you all. Thank you for saving my husband and I from broken hearts."

I want her to know that the happiness that I feel is no sacrifice. I wish she could be closer also, because I want her to be able to be there every step of the way with me. She is of course planning to be here weeks before the expected delivery. My official due date is July 21st, 2012. Of course it might be adjusted if we have more than one baby in here! Which reminds me; we know what my HCG levels looked like with the last two blood draws. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes with multiples, your HCG levels can read higher than with a single baby. I have linked a simple HCG Chart so that you can see for yourself. I am considered to be 4 weeks along, even though the transfer was 12 days ago. But 8 days after the transfer on my first blood draw, my HCG levels were 213. 4 days later on day 12 (today) my HCG levels were 1162! It more than doubled in the last 4 days (by a lot.) Take a look at the chart and tell me what you think. Exciting stuff! I am totally fine with having more than one baby. People think I’m nuts, and I know I’m not a very big person (considering I’m not quite 5 feet tall) but this will be so exciting. Maybe I am crazy. Who knows!

On a side note, I am not only EXTREMELY tired, but now I feel like I’m starving every 3 hours! And my Progesterone Injections don’t seem as bad any more. It might just be that I’m used to them, but now I’m just real tender. It’s no longer the extreme amount of pain that made it impossible to sit on the potty, or walk or even sit. I have learned however that it’s not a good idea to jog at a slow pace. That still really hurts ; ) (I learned while trying to hurry inside the mall since it was so cold outside) The shots still hurt going in, don’t get me wrong, but the aftermath doesn’t seem as severe. So I guess the bad pain only lasted about 2 weeks, for any of you wondering if this might be for you.

So I guess it’s safe to say that 8 pregnancy tests don’t lie! :)

Stay tuned. I think we get to officially find out how many babies we are having in about 2 more weeks. Fun stuff!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

From Cautiously Optimistic to Pleasantly Optimistic…

If I were to say that this last week has been full of anxiety, torment and torture, it would be the understatement of the century. Anxiety doesn’t even come close to describing how hard it’s been waiting and not knowing. Hope was absolutely right when she said this would be the longest 12 days of our lives. I cannot handle the not knowing. Neither can Hope for that matter. I try to distract myself and occupy my time, but it doesn’t work. I try to not think about the fact I’m just barely halfway there. The 14th might as well be next year. Hope has emailed me a time or two. I talked to her on the phone Sunday, and she sounded just like I felt. I was incredibly emotional on Sunday. I was a rollercoaster. One minute I was crying, the next I was grouchy. Then I was tired, then I was crying again. Poor Clark has been so patient with me. I know it’s all the hormones, on top of the waiting. I have been so tired lately. Much more tired than I normally am with my early morning job. I go to bed every night by 8pm, but I can’t hardly keep my eyes open by 7:30. I have chalked it up to all the hormones. I was really nauseous on the third day after the transfer. Then I had a dream that the nausea was the embryos finally attaching. Talk about torture. Now every time I seem a little nauseated, I try to gage my surroundings. Am I just too warm? How long ago did I eat? Could it really be? But that dream was NOTHING compared to the one I had two nights ago. Good Grief. It was so vivid, and ever so real. In my dream I took a pregnancy test, and there were two pink lines! I was so excited that I took another, and another, and another, until I had a whole pile of pink lines. I was sure. I called Hope and I could see her face when I told her about the pile of pee sticks! The joy that reflected off her face was so real. I started to cry the moment she did. When I woke up, I thought it had all been real. I was elated with the news that we were pregnant. I was so happy, I was so relieved, and I was so glad that we FINALLY KNEW! And then the realization set in that it was the middle of the night and I was no closer to knowing. I had to go back to wondering and waiting. It was even harder than just not knowing. I wished the dream had never happened. Now that I’d seen what her face would look like, I couldn’t bear the thought of having it be any other way. I felt like crying at the thought of her disappointed face if this didn’t work out. And the dreams just kept coming. More and more, and they were all so random and vivid. I dreamed the same way when I was first pregnant with Brynlee. I started peeing on pregnancy tests only two days after the transfer. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew that seeing only one pink line would make me a little sad, and a little discouraged. It was of course silly to think there would be any kind of results after only 48 hours, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know the moment there was any sort of change, and I was curious as to how soon anything would show. So I continued to take the pregnancy tests. At least two a day, with no change, which I knew was to be expected, but again, I couldn’t help it. When I woke up yesterday morning after having that dream, I was even worse. I had a harder day yesterday. It was day 6. Halfway point. I tried so hard to not think about it. But I still took a test that morning. Still nothing. I ran errands, I went and bought a whole cartful of pregnancy tests while I was out, and I couldn’t even wait ‘til I got home. I went potty in Walmart, and again, no surprise at all, there was only one pink line. I still didn’t know. Every time I took a test, I told myself to get a grip, and just stop until you at least had a chance. But since I of course have no self control, that wasn’t really going to happen. I came home from Walmart, cleaned, sewed, ate, and played with my girls. Clark got home and we had a nice evening together, but he could tell I was a little off. My visiting teachers came over, then the girls went to bed. And of course, as I was getting ready for bed, I took another test. The Walmart test was only like 5 hours ago, so of course nothing would have changed. Only this time, there were two little pink lines! I ran out of the bathroom and showed Clark. My head was spinning, but I was so happy to finally see two pink lines! I knew, and I had to continually remind myself that it could be a false positive, and that I still needed to wait for the blood tests, but in all honesty, I didn’t care at all. All the discouraging and hopeless feelings that I had been flooded with over the last 6 days instantly disappeared. All I needed to see was those two pink lines. Right away Clark said, don’t you dare tell Hope. You don’t need to get her hopes up. “You’re right, I know,” I said. Only I went straight for my phone. I couldn’t help it. I emailed her and said, “I have such a good feeling!” But then I thought, I can’t wait for her to check her email. So I texted her and said, “Clark told me not to say anything, but I think I’m pregnant!” My finger had been off the send button for half a second when the phone started to ring. Clark glared at me. I bounced into my bedroom and told her there were two pink lines! “How pink is the pink line!” She asked. “Pretty Pink!” I sang. I was laughing as I talked, I couldn’t control myself. I was thrilled. She started talking so fast I could hardly understand her. We both knew we still needed to wait for blood results, but it was good enough for us at that very moment. Oddly enough, she said that it had been the hardest day for her also. She had wanted to call me all day, but didn’t want to seem too pesky. Of course she wouldn’t have bothered me one bit, I just wouldn’t have had anything new to tell her. She said she was imagining herself there with the little pregnancy test, seeing the pink lines for the first time. It was her baby. She was pregnant and they were going to have a baby! I was so happy for her. I told her that I would let her know if I got another positive result on another test. So here it is : ) I took another one before bed, I took a test in the middle of the night, another one first thing this morning when Clark did my Progesterone Injection, and then I took another one an hour ago.

The very top test is the first one from last night.
I'd say those pink lines are pretty pink.

And the one from an hour ago!

It’s good enough for me right now. I have every confidence that we will get great results tomorrow and again in the 14th. I told Clark that seeing these pink lines was so different than when they were my babies. He didn’t know what to think of that at first, but I explained that I never had to work for my babies. I never even suspected I was pregnant ‘til I got a positive result on a test. They were easy! But I have worked so much harder for this. So much effort has gone into this. Weaning Brynlee from nursing, getting everything lined up, the blood draws, the blogs, the injections in the tummy, the painful injections in my bum, the pills, the transfer, the suppositories, the waiting, the not knowing. All of it has led up to whether or not I have two little pink lines! And although it is such a joy to see them, it is of course a different kind of joy than when it is my own child. It is a joy that I feel for Hope, her husband, her family, my family, and myself. It encompasses so much. So here I am. Day 7. We transferred the embryos one week ago today. Waiting for the 14th won’t be nearly as hard now. I’ve heard that if your carrying multiples, it can show sooner because of the extra amounts of hormones. Does anyone have any real information on that by chance? Google only has so much to offer. I won’t let myself worry about it though. For now I’m happy and content.
I have gone from being cautiously optimistic to pleasantly and positively optimistic : )

Saturday, November 5, 2011

A Message From Clark...

Vanessa has been waiting on this post for quite awhile now. She has a funny way of asking me to do things. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s telling me what to do so she’ll say things like “What would you think of…” One afternoon while driving somewhere she said “What would you think of writing your perspective about the surrogacy on my blog?”


“Honey, I would Reeeeeally love it if you wrote on my blog.”

Its funny little things like that that make me love her with all of my soul.

For those of you who don’t know, I met Vanessa while serving my LDS mission to Tacoma, Washington. After I left the area where she lived, we exchanged weekly emails. Because I was still a missionary we were very careful to keep it very platonic. The ooey gooey came later.

It was in one of these emails that she shared with me that she thought it would be a wonderful experience to be a surrogate mother for another LDS family who couldn’t have their own children. That is the kind of person Vanessa is. She never thinks twice about her own comfort or convenience. Her first thought is always for someone else and I was blown away by it. I can remember thinking “That’s incredible that she would even consider that. I wonder if she knows the church discourages it.”

Similarly, that was my first thought when the subject came up again when she first approached me about Hope and her situation. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel for Hope and her husband but I always try to make my first priority being obedient to the principals that I believe come from God and make me happy. I told Vanessa that based on the church’s stance; I didn’t think it was a good idea. I was firmly opposed to the idea.

That was until I thought about it some more.

For those of you familiar with LDS Doctrine there are some things that we believe God has absolutely forbidden. However, when I read the church’s official statement on surrogacy it did not read (or feel) like one of those “forbidden” things. Our Father in Heaven is perfect. He is never vague or unclear about anything. For some reason he had chosen not to expressly forbid surrogacy and I felt that must mean that there were circumstances under which he (and by extension his Prophet on earth today) would approve of. For more information regarding what the church does expressly prohibit see some of Vanessa’s earlier posts.

One of the people who had a tremendous influence on my life is Elder Kevin W Pearson of the First Quorum of the Seventy (for those of you unfamiliar, this is a body of church leaders whose job it is to support the modern 12 apostles. See Luke 10 in the New Testament) Elder Kevin W Pearson also served as my Mission President. The last thing he said to me was “Elder, please remember that the key to life and happiness is to learn the will of God and do it.”

I decided to humble myself and learn the will of God.

Sitting in my car in the parking lot of my office I bowed my head and asked. I don’t normally get an instantaneous answer but this one was immediate. After I received my answer I prayed that my Heavenly Father would help me further understand it. I also asked him to help me fulfill my role in this process as he would have me do it.

It has been in interesting adventure thus far. I truly don’t mind waking up extra early to poke Vanessa in the butt. If I can help in any small way, I want to. I feel like, if my wife is willing to sacrifice her body and her comfort for Hope and her husband, then I can certainly not complain about a few less minutes of sleep. When and if Vanessa actually does become pregnant, I will be the one running to the store for strange combinations of peanut butter and pickles. I wouldn’t feel good about myself otherwise.

It seems only appropriate that with Thanksgiving approaching I should express my gratitude. Hope, if you’re reading this, I am grateful to have met you and have the opportunity to do this for you. I’ve gotten to know you enough to know of your tremendous gratitude but please know I feel a deep sense of gratitude for this whole process. Vanessa my sweetheart, I am grateful to you for continuing to teach me Christ like service every day. Not just with this surrogacy thing, but in everything. I am also profoundly grateful to God. It has been his answer to my prayers and a continuing reassuring influence that has made this process possible. No matter the result of last week’s transfer, I will be grateful for this experience.

That’s all for now, I may blog again in the future. I will just have to wait for Vanessa to ask me how I feel about it : )

Thursday, November 3, 2011

And Now We Wait....

So last Friday, Hope went into the clinic for her egg retrieval. She went in at 6:30am, and the anesthesiologist knocked her out ‘til noon. They were able to retrieve 22 eggs. I went to see her later that afternoon. She looked so tired when I got there, but we visited and I got a chance to spend time with her mom and sister. I had such a nice time, and Hope had a small gift for me! It was ever so appropriate. Pregnancy Tests : ) along with darling drawings from her girls, a movie gift certificate, and kit kats! I loved it. It was the perfect gift.

Her little girls even wrote my name! Cute huh

I made sure to take pictures of their phenomenal play house before I left. I totally wish I had a playhouse just like it when I was a little girl.

This was the front, and you can see the basket attached to the pulley that can be reeled up to the fort! How fun is that

America's cutest front porch, complete with mailbox and birdhouse!

Sofa made by hand, with matching valance and curtains! See the cute little pillow! Mop, and vacuum are in the corner... there is even electricity. They thought of everything!

Kitchen, cupboards, table and chairs, shelf with china, and that little white circle on the wall is a pipe that makes it possible to talk to the kids upstairs!

The fort upstairs. There is a telescope and a treasure chest on the other side, and that opening straight ahead is the balcony that leads to the slide!

The view from the side...

and pictures of their beautiful yard

We said our goodbyes. We won’t see each other again, at least not until we have a baby! It was hard for me to say goodbye. I truly hope that wasn’t the last time I will ever get to see Hope.

We found out a few days later that out of her 22 eggs, only 8 survived. Out of the 15 that were frozen from a previous cycle, 9 survived. That was to be expected. So we had 17 embryos, and we had to wait to find out if any of the embryos were good enough to actually transfer. The doctor and nurses were optimistic, and so was I. Hope and her husband said it perfectly when they said they were cautiously optimistic. We are all trying to not get our hopes up too much. The transfer was to take place 5 days after the retrieval, so I sat around and impatiently waited for Wednesday, November 2nd.

The day of the transfer finally came. I wasn’t nervous at all. People kept asking me if I was nervous or anxious, and all I could say was, “I’m SO ready!” I didn’t have any butterflies at all going into the clinic. I had waited and prepared for this day for what seemed like forever, and I was just READY. A good friend of mine dropped me off at the clinic because they didn’t want me to drive home. They had me show up a half hour early so I could take a valium. The valium was supposed to relax me, but I never felt the effects of it at all. They wanted me to have a semi-full bladder, and I worked hard to drink just the right amount and go potty at just the right time so that I wouldn’t be doing the potty dance before the transfer. While I waited in the waiting room, I called Hope. She was sitting by the phone waiting for the phone call from the doctor telling us how many embryos we had. She was so anxious. We figured that since they hadn’t sent me home, there had to be at least one good embryo. We talked for a moment, and then I let her go back to staring at her phone. I got my comfy tissue paper blanket around 1pm, and I waited. And waited, and waited. What was supposed to be an all around hour and a half visit to the clinic turned into 2 and a half hours (which was a bummer for my ride) My nurse came in and found the right position for my tummy ultrasound so the doctor could see what he was doing on the inside. We visited for quite a while, and she kept saying over and over, “We all have such a good feeling about you.” “Your lining is truly thick and spectacular, I can hardly believe it!” and “Your bladder is EXACTLY where we want it!” All of those are things that I of course wanted to hear, but she said it over and over which of course only gets my hopes up even more. I told her that I still wasn’t feeling the valium, which surprised everyone. It was a good thing I wasn’t nervous at all. The main reason for the valium is to make my body and muscles relax during the transfer, and it was easy enough to relax on my own. I spent a little while on the table alone while I waited. I was thinking about everything, and I was wondering how many embryos we would have. Only one? Would there be at least two like we hoped? If there are more than two, they will most likely freeze the rest for a future attempt. I remember the clinic telling me in the very beginning that they never transfer more than two embryos. And then I had a thought. I kind of wish they would be willing to transfer more than two, that is, if there were even that many available. It seems like such a waste of a good embryo to just not use it and freeze it away. Hope has spent so much time trying to make this all work, without any success at all. I just wish we could give her all the odds. A moment later, Dr. Faulk walked in. He had a huge smile on his face, and he was bouncy and full of energy. He sat right down and said, well we have 3 fantastic embryos! And a fourth that is good, but a day or two behind the first 3. He was so thrilled with how well the 3 embryos were doing! My stomach did a flip flop :) It was wonderful news. He handed me a picture of one of the embryos!

He still needed to call Hope and tell her the news, but he stopped and looked at me very seriously. “Vanessa. Hope has not had any success. We have worked so hard to get here, and I want to give her every possible chance of making this work. What do you think of transferring all 3 embryos?”

I practically jumped right off the table when I said, “Absolutely! You practically read my mind!”

He said, “You realize that puts you at risk of having triplets. There is only about a 3% chance of you having triplets, and we can always do selective reduction if there is any kind of problem. Is that something you are willing to do?”

I was so sure. I felt so good about it. There is a chance that we could transfer 2 embryos, and none of them could even take. We could transfer 2 and then both could take. We could transfer all 3, and none could take, or only one! Or two. Or there is that 3% chance all three could take. It was worth that small risk to be able to give us all the odds. I felt so good about transferring all three.

He needed to call and talk it over with Hope and her husband. So now my waiting consisted of excitement at the thought of transferring all three! I hoped she would go for it. They all talked, and it came down to whether or not they were okay with selective reduction if the situation presented itself. The contract, and all adults involved, agreed that selective reduction would only take place if there is a threat to my life, or the life of the babies. So they left the decision up to me. If I was willing to take that on, then we would transfer all 3. DONE.

They dimmed the lights, they propped me up in stirrups, and we transferred all three embryos. I got to watch it all on the ultrasound screen. I could see the white line of the instrument he used to place the embryos, and I could see the 3 small air bubbles that held them. It didn’t hurt one bit, it was just uncomfortable when they pushed on my bladder (which by this time had quadrupled in size.) Once he was finished, he very slowly lowered my legs, and he told me to hold very still while he slid me up on the table so that I didn’t use any muscles to move. He shook my hand and said, “Make us Proud!” I had to lie on the table for half an hour, and then they came in to give me instructions. I could get dressed, go potty, and then schedule my appointments to have my blood drawn in order to test for the pregnancy hormone twelve days from now. They told me to of course continue my estrogen shot, continue my evil progesterone & oil shot, my prenatals and baby asprin, and I was to start a progesterone suppository every night before bed. I am to spend the next two and a half days sitting or lying down. No lifting or doing anything that excessively works my stomach muscles. I am instructed to then spend the next 10 days without anything that would break a sweat, increase my heart rate, etc. (which will make Fridays and Saturdays at work tough) Before I left, the clinic gave me a complimentary gift certificate for a one hour massage! It was so nice of them, and totally unexpected, and now I’ve got to hide it from Clark ;)

I came home from the clinic, and propped my legs up. I have done my very best to take it easy. I try to sit and fold laundry, sew my tree skirt, dink around on the computer, and nap. It’s real hard with a baby running around. I don’t have a problem getting on my knees and changing a diaper, or letting her snuggle with me on the couch. I can stand up to make something to eat or shower, and when I walk I try to walk slowly. I’ve got one more day to go, but I honestly don’t mind it at all. I like knowing that sitting on the couch is potentially increasing our odds. I spent two days before the transfer cleaning my house so that sitting didn’t make me feel totally helpless and unproductive. I made sure to stock up on food in the house, and my incredible babysitter has spent the last couple days over at our house to help with the girls. They all went to the park today and I was able to rest. She also made fudge : ) My husband has been truly incredible throughout this entire process. From day one he has been so supportive, and excited. He loves to hear what Hope’s newest email has to say, he always asks questions, and he has such a positive attitude about it all. Ever since the transfer, he has made sure everything is taken care of so that I don’t feel the need to move around. He brings me what I need, he’s even at the grocery store right now with the girls. He’s been truly amazing and I am so thankful to have him.

Hope called me at bedtime the day of the transfer. She told me that they transferred two boys and one girl! That was exciting news! I had a dream that we had twins, one boy and one girl. Hope’s husband also had a dream that we had one boy and one girl. We are all really trying to not read too much into the dreams, but it’s been really interesting nevertheless. Two boys and one girl. It’s incredible to me that they can even know the gender. Of course, depending on how many embryos take, we won’t know which ones stay until I’m a good 16 to 20 weeks along. Hope also told me that we have had every chance there ever was. All the odds have been in our favor, and if this doesn’t work, she can be at peace knowing it isn’t supposed to. We did everything we possibly could, and Heavenly Father might just have another plan for her family. Hearing her say that made me feel better.

So now we wait. They will draw my blood at 10am on November 10th to test for the pregnancy hormone. They won’t tell us the results of that blood test. They will then draw my blood again at 10am on November 14th, and that blood draw will officially determine whether or not we’re pregnant! I’ve heard that sometimes it will show up on a home pregnancy test a few days before, so I might just give one a try. But I’m not sure if I’ll actually reveal the results. I would hate to give anyone the results of a false positive. But it’s all so exciting! Hope said this is going to be the longest 12 days of our lives! I think she’s right. Again, we are all trying to be cautiously optimistic, although I’ll be honest. Caution has completely gone out the window on my end. I know that it will make this all the more devastating if this doesn’t work.

I cannot give myself my progesterone & oil injection. It hurts terribly bad. It is slow and painful and I couldn’t do it myself even if I wanted to. I have to take it in the morning at the same time every single day. So I take it at 5:00am, and Clark has been so very wonderful about giving me my shots. I feel so bad that he has to wake up out of a dead sleep every morning at 5am to stick me. Even on Sundays when we both get to sleep in, my alarm goes off at 5 so he can do my injection. He has never once complained, and only apologizes for having to give me yet another shot. I love him dearly. The Prog & Oil shots have been by far the worst part of this experience. The injections hurt like crazy. And my bum is EXTREMELY sore for three solid days after the shot. And since I rotate sides ever day, it only gives the one side a day to recover. Therefore, I have MULTIPLE sore spots on each side on any given day. The medication is so thick that it just stays in a small lump about the size of a quarter. I spend hours sitting on a heating pad, hoping to disperse and relieve some of the medication and pain. It doesn’t really work. The clinic says it’s normal. My bum is black and blue. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit. It hurts to sit on the toilet, it hurts to lay down. It hurts to drive because the small muscle you use to push the gas and break pedal makes it hurt. I am in so much pain that I limp around, thinking that there will be some sort of relief if I wait a split second longer to put pressure on my leg. But at the last possible moment I realize that it didn’t make any sort of difference because it just hurt really really bad to take that step. It’s been hard to work with me being so incredibly sore. It was so bad the other day that Clark was putting my shoes and socks on for me and I started to cry. When I drive, I make a fist and keep it under my thigh so that there isn’t as much pressure on my behind, which of course doesn’t seem to help either :( Like I said, it’s been the hardest part of all this. It will all be totally worth it if we are able to have a baby! Hope keeps apologizing for my bum being so sore. I don’t want her to feel bad or be sorry at all. This is all part of what it takes, and it’s truly not the end of the world. I can still work, I still drive, I still somehow manage to pee :) I would take this over morning sickness any day. Only 53 more injections to go… so long as we are pregnant!

The transfer is over. This is it. We will wait out the next 2 weeks, trying hard to not think too much on it all. Hope said she didn’t sleep at all last night, so wish us luck. I keep wondering what it would be like if we were told all three embryos were growing inside me! How stinkin’ exciting would that be?! Obviously triplets would be insane, and very hard on my body. But people manage it. People manage twins too. I won’t concern myself about it unless there is a need to be concerned. I am happy we transferred all that we could. Clark started singing Phoebe’s song from friends last night and made me laugh so hard :)

“Are you in there little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us? I will buy you some Adidas” haha :) Needless to say we’ve been on a Friends kick for a while now.

Clark is planning to post a blog on here soon, so stay tuned for what he has to say! I honestly have no idea what direction he is planning to take, so it will be a lot of fun to read about his point of view. I have the best husband in the world. Thanks for following along friends! It’s been fun, and hopefully there is a lot more to come in the next year!