My Position Regarding Surrogacy

Hello Everyone! It's been several years since I've logged on here, or updated anything. I apologize. I joined the Military and life has been outta control. 

I am here because I keep getting the same request. Everyone wants a copy of the letter from the First Presidency regarding surrogacy. 

I wanted to clear a few things up. First of all, I do not have copy of the letter. The letter was specifically given to our fertility doctor. I asked if it were possible to get a copy for situations like this, but it never ended up happening. When I look back, that was probably a good thing. I hear it being said that a letter from the First Presidency can be personal and it is obviously not a blanket policy statement, and I don't mean to be a spokesperson for the Church's position. I do not have that authority. I simply remember that the letter read, these specific parameters regarding surrogacy. You have to understand something... I have a testimony of this Gospel. I believe Jesus is at the head of this Church. I believe in all the parameters he has set for families. These guidelines regarding surrogacy are simply mirroring those same values and parameters that we believe in anyway. If you believe the guidance given to us in the Proclamation to the Family, then this is an easy concept to follow. It doesn't have to be written Church policy for me. But I posted these parameters in the understanding that at one point, the Presidency did follow these parameters. That was good enough for me. I prayed, I felt that our decision to move forward with a surrogacy wasn't outside the parameters of the family or the Church. 

I am sorry that I do not have a copy. I don't know how easy it would be for each of you to write personally to the First Presidency for your own reassurance. I expect that as our world changes and science changes and our abilities change, an official policy will have to come out sooner or later to cover a subject that is now common, where it really wasn't 20 or 30 years ago. For now, I am personally comfortable with surrogacy within these parameters. Sometimes I get nasty emails, saying that it's "so convenient" to pick and choose when we think surrogacy is and is not okay within the Church. and I just have to remember that there will always be people out there ignorant to how we chose to live our lives, and why we choose to live them this way.

Also, I realize that this post does sound too much like I am officially making a statement for the Church. Again, I do not have that authority. I have not been given that permission. Please understand the Spirit in which I talk about Surrogacy. It is simply something not well understood, and there are hesitations because of a lack of clarification. Like I said, I think this will change with time. 

Clark and I were hesitant to pursue surrogacy, because we had heard that our Church “discourages” surrogacy. There's just a "one liner" in the handbook. It's discouraged. That's it. We take our Faith very seriously, and began to do research on our Church’s stance regarding surrogacy. Now what I am about to say about what I understand the Church’s stance to be, (which has not been told to me directly) and my own position on surrogacy, may be controversial, but I am firm and confident in my position. Let me start by saying that the Fertility doctor we are working with is a Member of the Church. He was dealing with a potential surrogate, and this woman went to her Bishop about the surrogacy situation. It eventually reached the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and both the woman and this doctor received a letter signed by all three members of the First Presidency regarding the Church’s stance on Surrogacy. That letter is not in my possession, and it could be considered personal instruction and revelation, and simply not for everyone. But as far as I understand it... the Spirit of the letter was something to the effect of :

Homosexuals using a Surrogate is discouraged

Single Woman using a Surrogate is discouraged

Unmarried Couples using a Surrogate is discouraged

Woman using a Surrogate simply to avoid the inconvenience of pregnancy is discouraged

People selling their eggs or sperm is discouraged (because you are putting your own baby/posterity into the world)

Traditional Surrogacy is discouraged (the situation in which the Surrogate uses her own egg and then gives the baby to the intended parents. In my mind that is also seems to fall under the category of selling your own child and putting your posterity out there)

There must be a good reason why the Intended Mother cannot carry her own child. The one and only circumstance in which I believe Surrogacy to be morally acceptable is in the case of a GESTATIONAL SURROGACY. The circumstance in which the Intended Mother and Father are the biological parents of the child, and they simply need someone to grow and carry their baby. The intended parents must be heterosexual and married with a strong relationship. This also seems to be the only situation in which the Church supports Surrogacy.

As a member, this makes a lot of sense to me. I don't feel that i need it written down. You may need your own personal revelation. I believe this situation to be between you and your husband and God. For most, they feel more comfortable talking with their Bishop. Again, this is my own personal opinion and I am not telling you to be disrespectful to your Bishop or anything of the sort. But I do believe that there are uneducated Bishops out there that are human, and without all of the information, they might be quick to discourage you, based simply on that one line in the handbook. 

In my personal opinion, there is usually a reason something is discouraged. And I think there is a difference between discourage and "forbidden" or strongly advised against. Dating before you are 16 is discouraged. But you will not be damned if you are 15 and go do a dance. It's discouraged for a reason. It is to protect against all the wrong things that could go wrong. But the recommendation that you wait until you are 16, as far as I understand it, is not a commandment. And it is still personal, and up to you to seek personal revelation from your Heavenly Father.

This ended up being very long winded. I really apologize. I have always been very long winded. Good luck to all of you out there looking into Surrogacy! I know there is a strong support group in Utah, where a group of ladies are all supporting each other in their journeys. Some of these women are members, some are not, and some aren't active, and do not chose to live by those things that would allow them a temple recommend. I love them all and don't judge any of them whatsoever. But if you are looking to pursue a surrogacy within the bounds of an active and worthy member of the Church, make sure that you keep your support system with people with those same values. I found myself being encouraged by sweet ladies who don't have my same values. They are entitled to their journeys. I wanted to keep mine in my own way.

Please keep in mind that one reason surrogacy could be discouraged, is because it can be dangerous. You are at a higher risk, and the Church is always just trying to keep us safe. A poor sweet surrogate lost her life in a very scary and unforeseen incident a little while back. She had a little family and they lost their mommy and a man lost his wife, while she was selflessly giving the gift of life to a deserving family. I do not know the details of it all, but I do know it can happen. It isn't common, but let the Spirit guide you, and keep yourself worthy of the Spirit so that you can discern what is right for you and your family. 

Again, I do not have a copy of that letter. I haven't been in touch with my fertility Dr in a few years now, and since joining the Air Force, I currently don't live in Utah :( I hope that this update finds you well <3

I hope this clarification and insight helps you all as you move forward! I will answer questions as often as I can. God Bless <3