My Afternoon with Hope

The stomach flu finally passed through our family, which meant it was time to see Hope! I spent the entire day with her on Monday and had a fantastic time. I made something special for her little girls before I made my way out the door. We spent the entire afternoon outside in her parent’s truly exquisite yard! It was a beautiful day that didn’t even require jackets. The girls played their hearts out. There was a magnificent playhouse that Hope’s parents built in the backyard. It was two stories tall, and the bottom floor was a miniature house complete with porch, mailbox, electricity, play kitchen, miniature sofa (with matching valances) and a table and chairs! Once you climbed the ladder to the second floor, you entered every little boy’s dream fort! There were binoculars and a telescope, a cot, a wooden chest and of course, more electricity! There was even a pulley attached to a basket where you could let down the basket to exchange secret messages, and then real it back up! The only way to get down from the fort was to slide down a built in slide! I have never seen anything like it in all my life. I sure wish I had gotten at least one picture of this playhouse. Needless to say my Brionna had an absolute blast. The girls played on the trampoline, they rode down the hill in toy cars, they picked strawberries and raspberries, they went on a treasure hunt for golden leaves and flower petals, they played dress up and had a princess parade, and we even took a walk down to a beautiful wooded wonderland covered in leaves! All this time, Hope and I were able to visit. When the girls were finally all played out, I took Hope out to dinner! Clark was wonderful about keeping Brynlee and Brionna for the evening, and Hope’s girls were able to stay with Grandma and Grandpa. We went to Crackerbarrel (where else is there?) and dinner was ever so tasty! We must have sat in that restaurant for at least two hours, and I’m sure they started to wonder if we were ever going to leave. Hope and I talked about everything under the sun. We talked about babies, surrogates, families, babysitters, pregnancies, my son, the Church, and of course, the transfer that is just around the corner! Goodness we probably could have talked forever. I had a wonderful time.

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Hope asked me if I decided to “name her Hope” because of the picture hanging in the clinic. I never realized there was anything hanging in the clinic! When I decided to call her “Hope,” it was the only thing that seemed fitting. It is symbolic. I would like to come up with a name for her husband, but nothing seems to fit like I want it too. She sent me a picture of the wall hanging in the clinic.

She asked me if I would consider being a surrogate again, whether it was for her or another family. It gave me a lot to think about. I feel like now is the perfect time in my life to do this. I’m not quite ready to have another baby in the house, and my little Brynlee is so perfect, I don’t want to make her grow up any faster! So this period in between Brynlee and our next baby seems so ideal for helping Hope. But I do plan to have more, and I don’t know how much more I can take, considering I’m not getting any younger and I already have a good 10 years of child bearing years stacked against me. I guess for now, my answer is I don’t know. We will see how things go and what life has to offer us a few years from now :)

Hope surprised me at work the other day! I was so excited to see her, but I was totally embarrassed. She just laughed and then snapped a picture of me! I am embarrassed to put the picture on here, but at the same time it was just another fun part of all this :) However, just so we’re clear, I get up at 4am. I’m not trying to impress anyone!

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Clark gave me my estrogen shot on Friday night, and once he stuck the needle in, he accidentally dropped it! In other words, once the needle was in, it bent, and OH BOY did it burn! It burnt for about an hour. It wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but I lived.

Hope and I compared scars on our tummies from all the injections. Hers seem to bruise, and mine just look like little poke marks. She said her ovaries are starting to feel like rocks because of the medications she is taking. I am not quite sure how it all works, but from the sounds of it, it seems like the medications she is taking act like steroids to her ovaries and whatnot. Her abdomen is starting to swell. The official day for her egg retrieval is Friday the 28^th! Which is great news for me because that puts the transfer date on November 2^nd. It shouldn’t effect work at all, or Halloween with my girls :) Hope was supposed to fly home on Friday, so she had to fudge her flights around a bit. They are having the embryos genetically tested to weed out the genetically bad embryos. This reduces the risk of a miscarriage, among other things.

I officially start my Progesterone and Oil on Friday, the same day as the retrieval. The clinic just called me and gave me my schedule for the next week. It turns out that Progesterone is the hormone that your body naturally produces to maintain a pregnancy. So I am supplementing the hormone until my body naturally produces it during the pregnancy. I have to take this shot every morning for the next 9 weeks.

Hope and I both feel so helpless at this point. We are just kind of waiting, wishing there was something we could do to ensure or guarantee a baby. I went out and bought myself a ton of airborne. I figure if all I can do is make sure I don’t come down with something the week of the transfer, that’s better than nothing. I was told that the embryos are incredibly sensitive during the transfer. They are exposed to everything, therefore I cannot wear fragrances or perfumes, nobody can talk during the transfer, etc. I will be prepped on the procedure the day before, but I am currently under the impression that I will have to stay on the doctor’s table for an hour after the transfer, and I will not be able to drive myself home, followed by 2 days of bed rest. I am so anxious! It will take 10 days to find out whether or not Hope and her husband are going to have a baby!

I have been on my knees a lot lately. I’m not sure what to say to my Father in Heaven, but I want him to know that I love Hope, and that I am so very thankful for the blessings in my life. He has a plan for each and every one of us, and he knows what is best for us; despite what plan we might have for ourselves. Hope has always dreamed of having a big family. Heavenly Father knows her heart, but he also knows what trials she will need to face in order to grow and progress. Hope is the most wonderful mother. I’m not just saying that because of this whole situation, because she truly is the most tender, compassionate and patient mother I have ever met. A would never have known that until I spent time with her and her beautiful girls. I am not the most patient person in the world, and I humbly admit that. I admire Hope. She deserves this baby more than anyone I’ve ever known. I want to give her this baby so much it hurts.

There is a lot to come in the next two weeks. Please keep us in your prayers.

As Sisters in Zion / We'll Bring the World His Truth

This is a beautiful arrangement, and two of my most favorite hymns. I included most of the lyrics below

As Sisters in Zion, we'll all pull together,

The Blessings of God on our labors we'll seek:

We'll build up his Kingdom with earnest endeavor;

We'll comfort the weary, and strengthen the weak.

We'll turn from our follies, our pride and our weakness,

The vain, foolish fashions of Babel despise;

We'll seek for the garments of truth and of meekness,

and learn to be useful and happy and wise.

We'll wear what is sensible, neat and becoming

The Daughters of Zion - the Angels of Light;

We'll work with a will, while the Angels are scanning

Our aims and our actions from morning til night.

We'll bring up our Children to be self-sustaining;

To Love and to do what is Noble and Right;

When we rest from our labors, these dear ones remaining,

Will bear up the Kingdom and "Fight the Good Fight."

'Tis the Office of Angels, conferred upon women;

And this is a right that, as Women, we claim;

To do whatsoever is gentle and human;

To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

Then, as Sisters in Zion, we'll all pull together,

The Blessing of God on our labors we'll seek;

We'll build up the Kingdom with earnest endeavor;

We'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

I truly love this song, in every possible way. It brings tears to my eyes when we sing it as sisters in Relief Society. The words speak to me and bring joy to my soul. The song is not simply suggesting that we are any certain way, but instead it is stating who we are and what we will DO as women. As Sisters in Zion, we will build, we will comfort, and we will strengthen. We will turn, seek, learn, wear, work, love, bear up, cheer, bless, fulfill, and pull together. All of these are actions. Things we will do. I included a video that illustrates this song beautifully in my above post.

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We have 13 Articles of Faith. The Articles of Faith state what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes in. I love the 13th Article of Faith, which states:

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul - We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

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Our Young Women's Theme

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.We will Stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places, as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:

Faith

Divine Nature

Individual Worth

Knowledge

Choice and Accountability

Good Works

Integrity and

Virtue

We Believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the Temple, and enjoy the Blessings of Exaltation.

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Our Relief Society Declaration

We are Beloved Spirit Daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose and direction. As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar. We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:

Increase our Testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study

Seek Spiritual Strength by following promptings of the Holy Ghost

Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriages, families and homes

Find Nobility in Motherhood and Joy in Womanhood

Delight in Service and Good Works

Love life and learning

Stand for Truth and Righteousness

Sustain the Priesthood as the Authority of God on Earth

Rejoice in the Blessings of the Temple, understand our

Divine Destiny, and strive for Exaltation.

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I Belong To

Meeting Hope and Her Husband!

Oh if I could only put into words how wonderful Friday evening was! It is Sunday morning, and I am still smiling : ) Our amazing cousin Amy let the girls stay at her house for the evening, and I paced the house eagerly waiting for 5:30 to roll around. I made Clark anxious, so I kept teasing him. I would stand at the window with my face pressed up against the glass just to watch him squirm at the thought of Hope seeing me that way : ) They knocked on our door right at 5:30, and we exchanged hugs and hellos! We were all starving, so we rode together to Zupa’s. Even though I’m sure we all had butterflies, we all truly seemed so comfortable around one another. We laughed at jokes, we shared stories, we smiled and rolled our eyes, I guffawed at the notion that Hope does not like Olive Garden breadsticks! Dinner was so yummy that Clark and I went back to Zupa’s for lunch the next day. We visited for a long time at dinner, and then we made our way back to our house to visit some more. We talked a lot about thoughts and conversations we’ve had in detail. We got to see more of each other’s perspective, especially Clark and Hope’s husband. We have all had dreams about different things, and we shared those with each other as well. I talked about my past, and the things I had gone through. We talked about our kids, our jobs, and we even talked about our Family going out to Illinois to visit their family! Clark and I thought that would be such a fun experience, and I would LOVE love LOVE to experience Nauvoo while we are there! I made my banana chocolate chip cake to have that evening, but it really didn’t turn out. I was bummed. It was dryer than normal and even Clark admitted that it wasn’t as good as usual. I got to talk to my sweet Taylor during the evening. Then my phone alarm went off reminding me to take my Estrogen injection. We had a good laugh at the thought of Clark chasing me around the house with a needle cuz I kept insisting I wasn’t ready! But in all honesty, all of the shots have been totally painless, with the exception of that bizarre injection that first Friday. Hope and her husband stayed ‘til about 10pm, and I can honestly say that I had no idea it got as late as it had until Clark said he should probably go pick up the girls. I was having such a fantastic evening that I never wanted them to leave! But I did have to work early Saturday morning and I knew I needed to head to bed sooner or later. We made sure to get a picture of Hope and I at the end of our evening. We said our goodbyes, they left, and Clark and I instantly broke into excitement.

“That went so well! Did I talk too much? They were so great! She’s so cute! How was the cake! Were we boring? They were just how I imagined them! : )”

I was too excited to go to bed, so Clark talked me into driving to Lehi with him to pick up the girls. All I can think about is getting together with Hope again. I was excited to wake up this morning with an email from her asking to get together on Tuesday! Whoohoo! I’m so ready for Tuesday : ) Her husband is headed back to Illinois, but Hope will be here until the end of October when they do her egg retrieval. In the meantime, she has to do several injections a day, along with almost daily appointments at the clinic. She said it starts to feel so much more real when it’s her turn to start. She said that our chances of success are good, considering she has double the embryos this time around. She also told me that the clinic gives us around a 75% chance of success. At least that’s how I understood what she told me. I’ll have to double check that information. All around it was a wonderful evening and it was well worth the wait. I can add it to the list of things that go smooth and feel so right.

I LOVE my LIFE!

Some Risks Involved with Surrogacy

What if something goes terribly wrong and I myself cannot have any more children, or worse, what if I risk my life in this whole process?

This is a question that Clark and I had to ask ourselves before we would commit to being a surrogate. It’s also something that the Psychologist had to address, so we know it’s a serious question. Furthermore, Hope herself addressed this very question with me when we were corresponding in the very beginning. She wanted to make sure we understood the potential risks. I have several different thoughts on the subject. I’m not sure how I rank my opinions according to their importance, but they’re my thoughts nonetheless.

This is the example I gave to Clark just the other night:

There are different kinds of risks in this world. There is the risk that I will climb in my car to go to work, and I will get in a car accident that will paralyze or even kill me. My family could be driving to dinner on Saturday evening and we could get in a serious accident; but these are risks that we don’t think of in our everyday lives because they aren’t going to stop us from getting in our car.

Then there are risks that I consider foolish. They are the impulsive thrill junkie risks that people think they need in order to have that “rush.” Sky diving, bungee jumping, cliff diving, etc. If Clark, who is a father, husband, son, and brother, decides he wants to be a thrill junkie and go jump out of an airplane for some stupid “rush,” I would consider that selfish and absurd. He is leaving his family, and risking so much, for a very selfish and foolish thing. Now I’m not gonna stop him from getting in his car, even though he runs the risk of getting in an accident every day. But in that situation, he’s going about his everyday life, and not seeking out the risk. If something truly serious happened while he was jumping off a bridge, I would never be able to forgive him. There are enough things that can go wrong in this world without seeking them out for the sake of a “rush.” I realize many of you may feel differently about my thrill seeker’s opinion, but that’s how I feel and I always have.

Now I’ve established, (in my opinion) two very different kinds of risks. I do however feel like having Hope’s baby is somewhere on a whole new level. Although I am not simply climbing in my car, and I’m not jumping out of an airplane, I am going out of my way to do something that poses risks. However, I am not doing them for selfish or foolish reasons. You cannot say that giving Hope a baby is selfish, and you cannot say bringing a baby into their family is a foolish thing to do. If you do think that, you need to rethink your belief system.

So I am going out of my way, and may be risking something very serious in the process, but I feel good, and am doing something good for another family.

The way I see it, every pregnancy has its risks. I could have died having Brynlee. She could have been my last baby due to complications. So just because it will be Hope’s baby, it doesn’t mean I’m drastically increasing my chances of complications. Something can always go wrong. I know that the concept of carrying twins is a little more scary, but that’s because it is a little more involved. Twins don’t always go full term, twins can be harder on your body, etc. Clark and I could get pregnant with twins ourselves, and my concerns would be exactly the same. But all this time, all I can think of is doing this for Hope.

I do have three beautiful children. But my husband only has one that is biologically his. We would both love to have more children, and that is our plan. Plans don’t always go according to plan, but if we are able, we will have more children. Clark and I would be heartbroken if something went wrong and we couldn’t have another baby of our own, but I would not regret being a surrogate for one minute. If I went to Africa to work with orphans, and got in an accident along the way, would I regret going and helping the children? I try to imagine myself in so many situations similar to that, and I can’t see myself regretting the decision to help another family. I can’t tell you exactly how Clark and I would react to not being able to have another baby, but I can tell you our reaction would not be regret. It would also not be resentment. Never.

In many surrogacy situations, the intended parents will pay for the surrogate to have life insurance. I didn’t have life insurance when I was pregnant with Taylor, Brionna or Brynlee. Clark and I didn’t see any reason to nickel and dime Hope and her husband any more than necessary, even in the case of life insurance. Our Psychologist urged us to consider our decision carefully, and we did.

I am on lots of medications, most of them natural hormones that my body already produces, and I’m not worried about the medications posing any risk to my health. I also know that I’ve had 3 children, and pregnancies are hard on a woman’s body, but women are meant to have children. I haven’t had a doctor tell me that I am high risk and should consider not having any more children, so I’m not worried about it. Other than morning sickness and back pain, I’ve had extremely good pregnancies.

So there you have it. My oh so eloquent and flowing thoughts on risks involved with being a surrogate : )

Women of God can Never be like Women of the World

The World has enough women who are tough

We Need Women who are Tender

There are enough women who are coarse

We Need Women who are Kind

There are enough women who are rude

We Need Women who are Refined

We have enough women of fame and fortune

We Need Women of Faith

We have enough greed and vanity

We Need more Goodness and Virtue

We have enough popularity

We Need more Purity

Joy is the Reward

Faith is the Power

Love is the Motive

Obedience is the Price

The Spirit is the Key

The Restoration is the Message

Members are the Means

Christ is the Reason

Baptism is the Way

Joy is the Reward

Anxiety & Appointments!

My tummy keeps doing flip-flops every time I think about tomorrow! I am so excited to finally meet Hope and her Husband. I have anticipated meeting them for months now! I feel like there are a million things I need to do before tomorrow evening, and I am so anxious. They are coming from Illinois by train, and she said that they have been just as excited to head to Utah : ) I just got home from an appointment with the Fertility Clinic. It was a lining check ultrasound. Not the tummy kind, but the “stay warm in your paper blanket” kind. They said the very most important thing for the carrier is to have a good thick lining. Things look good, but they might consider upping my estrogen shot. I don’t mind; I do however mind the Progesterone and Oil shot that is lingering in my future. I won’t start the Prog and Oil until they retrieve Hope’s eggs. I still have a couple more weeks. I asked questions today at the clinic. I don’t usually ask a whole lot, but I figure it’s hard to explain what I don’t really understand myself. Turns out the Lupron injection that I take in my tummy is to make me not ovulate. Good to know. I also found out that these past few weeks of abstinence has not been necessary. That would have been really great to know a month ago… Furthermore, I found out that I will have to be on something similar to bedrest for 48 hours after the transfer of the embryos. This isn’t such good news. It makes perfect sense to me, however I work all Halloween weekend, and it is a very very busy weekend for us. If we have to do the transfer before noon on Halloween day, that isn’t good news for my boss : ( I’m a little nervous. I’m really hoping that the transfer falls on the afternoon of Halloween day. We’ll see how things go : ) The plan is to transfer two of Hope’s embryos (as long as she produces two that will work) but the clinic won’t transfer three. They don’t want to risk everything involved with having potential triplets. Two babies is enough, and as I’ve said before, I’m really hoping we can have two babies! That’s all for now, I gotta get ready for tomorrow!

My Position Regarding Surrogacy

Hello Everyone! It's been several years since I've logged on here, or updated anything. I apologize. I joined the Military and life has been outta control. 

I am here because I keep getting the same request. Everyone wants a copy of the letter from the First Presidency regarding surrogacy. 

I wanted to clear a few things up. First of all, I do not have copy of the letter. The letter was specifically given to our fertility doctor. I asked if it were possible to get a copy for situations like this, but it never ended up happening. When I look back, that was probably a good thing. I hear it being said that a letter from the First Presidency can be personal and it is obviously not a blanket policy statement, and I don't mean to be a spokesperson for the Church's position. I do not have that authority. I simply remember that the letter read, these specific parameters regarding surrogacy. You have to understand something... I have a testimony of this Gospel. I believe Jesus is at the head of this Church. I believe in all the parameters he has set for families. These guidelines regarding surrogacy are simply mirroring those same values and parameters that we believe in anyway. If you believe the guidance given to us in the Proclamation to the Family, then this is an easy concept to follow. It doesn't have to be written Church policy for me. But I posted these parameters in the understanding that at one point, the Presidency did follow these parameters. That was good enough for me. I prayed, I felt that our decision to move forward with a surrogacy wasn't outside the parameters of the family or the Church. 

I am sorry that I do not have a copy. I don't know how easy it would be for each of you to write personally to the First Presidency for your own reassurance. I expect that as our world changes and science changes and our abilities change, an official policy will have to come out sooner or later to cover a subject that is now common, where it really wasn't 20 or 30 years ago. For now, I am personally comfortable with surrogacy within these parameters. Sometimes I get nasty emails, saying that it's "so convenient" to pick and choose when we think surrogacy is and is not okay within the Church. and I just have to remember that there will always be people out there ignorant to how we chose to live our lives, and why we choose to live them this way.

Also, I realize that this post does sound too much like I am officially making a statement for the Church. Again, I do not have that authority. I have not been given that permission. Please understand the Spirit in which I talk about Surrogacy. It is simply something not well understood, and there are hesitations because of a lack of clarification. Like I said, I think this will change with time. 

Clark and I were hesitant to pursue surrogacy, because we had heard that our Church “discourages” surrogacy. There's just a "one liner" in the handbook. It's discouraged. That's it. We take our Faith very seriously, and began to do research on our Church’s stance regarding surrogacy. Now what I am about to say about what I understand the Church’s stance to be, (which has not been told to me directly) and my own position on surrogacy, may be controversial, but I am firm and confident in my position. Let me start by saying that the Fertility doctor we are working with is a Member of the Church. He was dealing with a potential surrogate, and this woman went to her Bishop about the surrogacy situation. It eventually reached the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and both the woman and this doctor received a letter signed by all three members of the First Presidency regarding the Church’s stance on Surrogacy. That letter is not in my possession, and it could be considered personal instruction and revelation, and simply not for everyone. But as far as I understand it... the Spirit of the letter was something to the effect of :

Homosexuals using a Surrogate is discouraged

Single Woman using a Surrogate is discouraged

Unmarried Couples using a Surrogate is discouraged

Woman using a Surrogate simply to avoid the inconvenience of pregnancy is discouraged

People selling their eggs or sperm is discouraged (because you are putting your own baby/posterity into the world)

Traditional Surrogacy is discouraged (the situation in which the Surrogate uses her own egg and then gives the baby to the intended parents. In my mind that is also seems to fall under the category of selling your own child and putting your posterity out there)

There must be a good reason why the Intended Mother cannot carry her own child. The one and only circumstance in which I believe Surrogacy to be morally acceptable is in the case of a GESTATIONAL SURROGACY. The circumstance in which the Intended Mother and Father are the biological parents of the child, and they simply need someone to grow and carry their baby. The intended parents must be heterosexual and married with a strong relationship. This also seems to be the only situation in which the Church supports Surrogacy.

As a member, this makes a lot of sense to me. I don't feel that i need it written down. You may need your own personal revelation. I believe this situation to be between you and your husband and God. For most, they feel more comfortable talking with their Bishop. Again, this is my own personal opinion and I am not telling you to be disrespectful to your Bishop or anything of the sort. But I do believe that there are uneducated Bishops out there that are human, and without all of the information, they might be quick to discourage you, based simply on that one line in the handbook. 

In my personal opinion, there is usually a reason something is discouraged. And I think there is a difference between discourage and "forbidden" or strongly advised against. Dating before you are 16 is discouraged. But you will not be damned if you are 15 and go do a dance. It's discouraged for a reason. It is to protect against all the wrong things that could go wrong. But the recommendation that you wait until you are 16, as far as I understand it, is not a commandment. And it is still personal, and up to you to seek personal revelation from your Heavenly Father.

This ended up being very long winded. I really apologize. I have always been very long winded. Good luck to all of you out there looking into Surrogacy! I know there is a strong support group in Utah, where a group of ladies are all supporting each other in their journeys. Some of these women are members, some are not, and some aren't active, and do not chose to live by those things that would allow them a temple recommend. I love them all and don't judge any of them whatsoever. But if you are looking to pursue a surrogacy within the bounds of an active and worthy member of the Church, make sure that you keep your support system with people with those same values. I found myself being encouraged by sweet ladies who don't have my same values. They are entitled to their journeys. I wanted to keep mine in my own way.

Please keep in mind that one reason surrogacy could be discouraged, is because it can be dangerous. You are at a higher risk, and the Church is always just trying to keep us safe. A poor sweet surrogate lost her life in a very scary and unforeseen incident a little while back. She had a little family and they lost their mommy and a man lost his wife, while she was selflessly giving the gift of life to a deserving family. I do not know the details of it all, but I do know it can happen. It isn't common, but let the Spirit guide you, and keep yourself worthy of the Spirit so that you can discern what is right for you and your family. 

Again, I do not have a copy of that letter. I haven't been in touch with my fertility Dr in a few years now, and since joining the Air Force, I currently don't live in Utah :( I hope that this update finds you well <3

I hope this clarification and insight helps you all as you move forward! I will answer questions as often as I can. God Bless <3

I thought I might share a few pictures that are dear to me. I was pregnant with my youngest when my husband and I were sealed.

Update on the little things....

I’ve been meaning to get on for quite some time. I just can’t seem to find a moment these days…

I started my newest injection on Tuesday, October 3^rd. The medication is called Estradiol Valerate (or Estrogen ) I have to give the injection 2 times a week, on Tuesday’s and Friday’s, in my bum, right before bed at night. I gave myself the first injection on Tuesday, and the shot wasn’t quite as bad as I had anticipated. I was so relieved. But things didn’t go so well on Friday when I gave myself the second injection. The shot hurt the second it connected. I’m talking hurt hurt. It took my breath away, and my right leg instantly ached. Saturday morning I woke up and it felt like a horse had kicked my right hind quarters. No exaggeration. I couldn’t sit flat, walking hurt, and I felt incredibly bruised. It’s still tender, and I am halfway through Monday. I talked to my nurse about it today at my appointment, she was really surprised, and said that I gave the injection in the right place, so we aren’t really sure what happened. Tuesday’s injection will be on the left; hubby will have to give it.

I also give myself a daily injection in my stomach. The medication is called Leuprolide Acetate (or Lupron) and this particular injection isn’t nearly as bad. I can hardly feel the ½ inch needle. It’s the same needle people use to give insulin shots. I give myself this injection when I get home from work every morning.

I was informed at my last appointment that I will be starting yet another injection in the next couple weeks. I was sure hoping it was gonna be another injection with the small needle, and I was hoping it would be another Tuesday/Friday type deal. But…. Nope. I was wrong. The nurse pulls out the inch and a half needle, and proceeds to tell me that I will be injecting Progesterone and Oil EVERY DAY for the first trimester. I’ll explain what that means for me… have you ever heard of a peanut butter shot? It’s just a shot that ultimately has thicker medication, so the shot is harder to give. You have to inject the medication slower since it’s thicker, and it hurts. Of course this couldn’t be my twice a week shot. Bummer. I don’t think I was ready to hear about the newest shot, cuz I felt like I was gonna cry when I found out … I hate peanut butter shots :(

Brionna (my 4 year old) loves to watch me give my injections. She’s such a nerd :) She comes running when my alarm goes off, and say’s “Be Brave Mommy!” I am so glad she can feel like a part of all this.

I’ve been a lot more emotional lately. Of course it’s because of all the extra hormones, but I am always on the verge of tears. Not necessarily in a bad way. I can feel that I’m emotional. I feel like I’m PMSing all the time… so I try real hard to recognize it and keep it under control. I tend to cry a lot at Church now. I just feel so uplifted, and so close to the Spirit, that ever y time we sing a hymn or have a really great lesson, I bawl like a baby. Like I said, it’s not necessarily always bad. I just keep tissues in my purse now : )

I fell over the weekend of General Conference. I slipped getting out of the shower, and hit both my neck and my head hard. A shock went through my body, and my vision was instantly full of static. It was a terrible feeling. My left ear has felt like I have water in it ever since, and I echo when I talk. I was able to follow Clark’s finger right after it happened, so we aren’t sure if it was an actual concussion, or just an unfortunate fall. My head finally cleared up after about a week, and my ear finally feels like it might be getting better. It made for a rough General Conference weekend.

Today at work, I sliced my left hand open with a razor blade. I said a naughty word when it happened : ( My boss made me leave and get stitches. I felt so bad when it happened. I know it was an accident, I just felt like it shouldn’t have happened at all. I’m a big girl, I can cut a box with a razor blade. Sheesh… So now I’m home and I’m not sure whether I should rest, or start working on Halloween costumes, or go to the gym. I feel a little flustered. I am really not an accident prone person, so these last few weeks of serious accidents are really throwing me off. The Estrogen and Hormones are not helping my situation right now. .. and I’m not feeling well. I’m not sure if it’s just a bug, or side effects of the medications.

I had my blood drawn at the Fertility Clinic today. Every Monday they have to do a blood draw. Last week they did another ultrasound to check and make sure things still look good. It feels good to leave an appointment knowing we are right on track : ) All my nurses at the clinic are ever so nice. It’s been a really great experience working with them. The other night when I was about to start my first Estrogen shot, I noticed that things didn’t seem right with my syringes and needles. I called the on call nurse, and I had to go to the clinic late in the evening to receive the proper equipment. I was really glad I caught the mistake, and the nurse that had to go into the clinic so late made me feel so good.

Hope and I keep in touch either through email, or via phone calls. I love hearing from her. A couple Sundays ago, her husband emailed us and officially introduced himself! It was truly neat to hear from him. Clark was also excited to get his email. It gave us a new perspective, her husband’s perspective. Of course he is just as involved as she is, but since I only ever correspond with her, I tend to forget. He said they are planning to follow my blog : )

We officially meet Hope and her husband on Friday, October 14^th! I cannot put into words how excited we are to meet them! We are going out to dinner, and then I do believe I will make my yummy banana chocolate chip cake for later in the evening. We are going to have them over, and get to know each other even better! I know this week is going to fly by, but I’m so impatient.

This is still such an exciting experience, and we are anxiously waiting for the end of October. The doctor that stitched up my hand today wanted to know all about my surrogate news! He kept asking questions enthusiastically. I have had such a wonderful response from everyone, and I’m so thankful for that. I love to answer questions and share with those around me. I feel so good : ) Despite Murphey’s Law, Life is GOOD : ) I’ll be in touch!