Vanessa has been waiting on this post for quite awhile now. She has a funny way of asking me to do things. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s telling me what to do so she’ll say things like “What would you think of…” One afternoon while driving somewhere she said “What would you think of writing your perspective about the surrogacy on my blog?”
Translation
“Honey, I would Reeeeeally love it if you wrote on my blog.”
Its funny little things like that that make me love her with all of my soul.
For those of you who don’t know, I met Vanessa while serving my LDS mission to Tacoma, Washington. After I left the area where she lived, we exchanged weekly emails. Because I was still a missionary we were very careful to keep it very platonic. The ooey gooey came later.
It was in one of these emails that she shared with me that she thought it would be a wonderful experience to be a surrogate mother for another LDS family who couldn’t have their own children. That is the kind of person Vanessa is. She never thinks twice about her own comfort or convenience. Her first thought is always for someone else and I was blown away by it. I can remember thinking “That’s incredible that she would even consider that. I wonder if she knows the church discourages it.”
Similarly, that was my first thought when the subject came up again when she first approached me about Hope and her situation. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel for Hope and her husband but I always try to make my first priority being obedient to the principals that I believe come from God and make me happy. I told Vanessa that based on the church’s stance; I didn’t think it was a good idea. I was firmly opposed to the idea.
That was until I thought about it some more.
For those of you familiar with LDS Doctrine there are some things that we believe God has absolutely forbidden. However, when I read the church’s official statement on surrogacy it did not read (or feel) like one of those “forbidden” things. Our Father in Heaven is perfect. He is never vague or unclear about anything. For some reason he had chosen not to expressly forbid surrogacy and I felt that must mean that there were circumstances under which he (and by extension his Prophet on earth today) would approve of. For more information regarding what the church does expressly prohibit see some of Vanessa’s earlier posts.
One of the people who had a tremendous influence on my life is Elder Kevin W Pearson of the First Quorum of the Seventy (for those of you unfamiliar, this is a body of church leaders whose job it is to support the modern 12 apostles. See Luke 10 in the New Testament) Elder Kevin W Pearson also served as my Mission President. The last thing he said to me was “Elder, please remember that the key to life and happiness is to learn the will of God and do it.”
I decided to humble myself and learn the will of God.
Sitting in my car in the parking lot of my office I bowed my head and asked. I don’t normally get an instantaneous answer but this one was immediate. After I received my answer I prayed that my Heavenly Father would help me further understand it. I also asked him to help me fulfill my role in this process as he would have me do it.
It has been in interesting adventure thus far. I truly don’t mind waking up extra early to poke Vanessa in the butt. If I can help in any small way, I want to. I feel like, if my wife is willing to sacrifice her body and her comfort for Hope and her husband, then I can certainly not complain about a few less minutes of sleep. When and if Vanessa actually does become pregnant, I will be the one running to the store for strange combinations of peanut butter and pickles. I wouldn’t feel good about myself otherwise.
It seems only appropriate that with Thanksgiving approaching I should express my gratitude. Hope, if you’re reading this, I am grateful to have met you and have the opportunity to do this for you. I’ve gotten to know you enough to know of your tremendous gratitude but please know I feel a deep sense of gratitude for this whole process. Vanessa my sweetheart, I am grateful to you for continuing to teach me Christ like service every day. Not just with this surrogacy thing, but in everything. I am also profoundly grateful to God. It has been his answer to my prayers and a continuing reassuring influence that has made this process possible. No matter the result of last week’s transfer, I will be grateful for this experience.
That’s all for now, I may blog again in the future. I will just have to wait for Vanessa to ask me how I feel about it : )
Very sweet post. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks for sharing! And that Vanessa was wise enough to give you the "sweet little nudge" to write it. I've met President Pearson and taught his daughter one summer in Primary in Tacoma. I'd consider you both to be inspirational families, surely.
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