Would you believe it if I told you we are
starting another journey!?
A handful of you already know…
And many of you followed my last journey with
excitement and anticipation.
Here’s a quick rundown of this last year:
-I Found my intended mother on Craigslist in
September of 2011 and named her Hope :)
-Announced the beginning of our journey together,
& started meeting with the local fertility clinic
-Started Injections in October, (they’re quite
pleasant, I assure you ;)
-Finalized and signed our contract
-Met Hope and her husband for the very first
time! One of my favorite memories!
-Hope’s egg retrieval, followed immediately by
the embryo transfer
-Transferred 3 embryo’s on November 2nd (2
boys and 1 girl)
-(All this within less than 60 days)
-Experienced the LONGEST week of our lives
waiting for the pregnancy tests. (of course I peed on a small country’s supply
of at home pregnancy tests before the official blood work)
- Over that next week, one embryo split in half
and we ended up pregnant with quadruplets!
- 3 heartbeats stopped and we ended up with one
baby, overcame the shock of it, but grateful for a safer pregnancy
-Continued injections well into the pregnancy
-Updates slowed down for a while… just a lot of
being pregnant and growing a cute baby!
-Experienced severe migraines for a good while.
Nausea visited the whole 9 months per the usual. Struggled with restless legs,
severe acid reflux, (discovered Prilosec OTC –liquid gold) developed an
incredible pain in my arms which was eventually diagnosed as “carpal tunnel
during pregnancy,” etc.
-Hope flew out from Illinois for the ultrasound
where we discovered they were going to have a BABY BOY!!
-We could hardly believe it!
-Neared the end of the pregnancy. It all went by
quite fast for everyone!
-Started dilating and effacing 3 weeks out from
my due date. Everyone was nervous. Hope and Hubby hurried to Utah! Water broke
at midnight (on the dot) and we raced to the hospital half an hour down the
freeway! Needed to push in the car, our exit was barricaded and we got lost,
found the hospital, ready to push, nurse wouldn’t let me push, almost broke the
hospital bed, no epidural, worst pain of my life, pushed once and sweet little
Spencer was born at 1:06am on July 1st! (if
you haven’t read the extended version, you’re missing out)
-6 lbs 4 oz, healthy and beautiful
-Only spent that first day in the hospital, right
next to Hope and baby Spencer :)
-Engorged for a solid week and a half. (that was
fun too)
-Took Spencer’s pictures, Hope’s husband made the
most beautiful video of their journey, and we made lots of visits before they
all headed back to Illinois.
-Hope and her husband surprised me with a
beautiful keepsake and a membership to the local gym, where I started to get my
butt in shape, and ran a 5k marathon within 3 months of having Spencer! It was
the first time I’d ever ran more than 25 feet in my entire life. You think I’m
kidding. I’m not. I was pretty proud of myself! It was a 5k for Fertility and I
have pictures to include at the end :)
-Carpal Tunnel only got worse after the delivery,
and I had to have surgery that very same month before the Insurance ended. Both
arms had to be done at the same time, handicapped and helpless for several
weeks. It was rough, but finally sweet relief!
-When I woke up from the anesthesia after the
surgery, my arms were in braces and bandages, but my legs hurt. That couldn’t
be right. So when I mentioned that my legs really hurt, they immediately
ordered an ultrasound on my legs, and they found blood clots in both legs.
Awesome. Luckily they were superficial blood clots, meaning they weren’t in
major arteries. I had to be on more injections and Coumadin for the next 6
weeks. They did blood work and came to the conclusion that I needed to be smart
about future pregnancies. I would need to be on a blood thinner while I was
pregnant or nursing, and I could only be on certain kinds of birth controls.
-I ended my journey knowing it was one of the
neatest things I’d ever done in my entire life. It was hard, and I knew going
in that it would be hard (physically I mean) but it was the most rewarding and
exciting thing I’d ever been a part of. It helped our family financially, and I
was able to help another family and bring a beautiful baby into the world.
-So here’s the scoop on our newest turn of
events!
-Baby Spencer just turned 6 months old! Clark and
I were planning on moving forward with our own family right away. We started
trying to get pregnant just 3 months after Spencer was born. We didn’t clock
the moon or anything, we just weren’t trying to prevent anything. We talked a
lot about our situation, and whether or not having another baby right away was
the best decision (mostly financially.) When Spencer was 4 months old, we began
joking about another surrogacy. It was definitely what you would consider
“light conversation” at the time. We kept going back and forth, but we finally
came to the conclusion that having another baby right away probably wasn’t the
most responsible thing to do. Which was a hard conclusion for us to come to,
because we were ready to continue our family. We still didn’t know if having
another baby for someone else was the best idea either. My biggest hold up was
obviously the being pregnant part. That’s no secret. Remember, I was still only
5 months postpartum. I hadn’t had much time to be normal again before
considering not only having another baby, but having another baby that wasn’t
even mine. It was a lot to wrap my head around. Even for all the money in the
world, I wasn’t quite ready to make that commitment again. Then we got to a
point where we figured; well we aren’t going to have another one right now, we
should go ahead with another journey. It was after a lot of praying and talking
and considering and more praying that we finally came to the decision to do it
again. For all of you skeptics (I’ve talked to lots of you, so I know you’re
out there) We, of all people, know exactly what goes into this. We know the
risks involved, the added discomfort of pregnancy, etc. Incase you forgot, this
will be #5 for me. My mom tells me I
have a short memory… haha. I just laugh. My mom has the same kind of
pregnancies as I do, but my memory isn’t as short as she might suggest ;)
Hope and her husband weren’t quite ready for round
two with us. So I put an ad out on a few surrogacy sites to test the water. My
email was flooded with responses from around the country. I had two mothers
that very morning that wanted to move forward with me. But there were several
things different about this second time around. First, I didn’t have medical
insurance like I did the first time. That’s huge in the world of surrogacy. I
also had the potential for developing blood clots during pregnancy, and there
were a few clinics around the country that wouldn’t work with me. I also never
knew how many crazies were out there! I’m sorry, but you wanna go lookin’ for
crazies, you either go to the welfare office on a Monday, or you put an ad out
for surrogacy. It goes both ways. Intended parents have the hardest time
finding normal carriers! I have been on that facebook page for local surrogates
where I live. They are all in different stages of their journies. Searching,
matched, transferring, pregnant, delivering, etc. They all have different
stories and experiences. I learn more and more each day, between that facebook
page and the surrogacy sites out there, that my first journey was ONE IN A
MILLION and truly a fairytale journey!
So I perfected my profile and my ads. I found a
great couple that I would have been more than happy moving forward with! We had
a video conference, but her and her husband were new to the idea of surrogacy
and just getting their feet wet. They decided they needed to take a little more
time to do their research. What surrogates are compensated, what’s acceptable
in a contract, how it all works, private vs. going through an agency, etc. At
least I’m assuming those were some of the things they wanted to look more into.
So I continued my search. I went at it for weeks, weeding through potential
intended families, but I came to the conclusion that I just wouldn’t find
another Hope and her husband. My first journey was just too good to be true. It
was the perfect fit. The perfect match. It’s like finding another spouse. Hope
and I understood each other, we loved each other despite faults and weaknesses.
We made sense. We believed the same way, we wanted the same things, we lived
similar life styles. And it was like love at first sight, because we never gave
it a second thought once we were matched. K, do you see how all my cheezy
analogies work when it comes to finding the right match? Now imagine losing
your match, and having to start all over!
After seemingly wonderful matches and not so
wonderful matches, that same family that needed a little more time emailed me!
It was completely unexpected. I was working at Cabela’s at the time and my life
was insanely busy during the holidays. I didn’t get a chance to respond to her
email before I got another email and a text all at once! She was eager to
reconnect and hopeful that I hadn’t been matched yet. Clark and I were excited
to hear from them and everything fell right into place! We officially matched
on December 3rd. OFFICIALLY :)
Whoohoo! We were all eager to move things forward right away. There is SO MUCH
that has to fall into place before things can work. The Utah Fertility Center
was willing to work with me again despite the risk for developing blood clots.
So that’s where we started.
My new intended family is awesome! Her name is
Corey, and her husband is Randy. They have a 5 year old little boy named
Jaxston, and one of the saddest stories leading up to their search for a
surrogate! They live in Wisconsin, and I love them :) I’m so excited to be
working with them.
So I will never be able to do their story
justice, but here’s a little background on their journey so far.
-From January 2011 until December 2011, Corey and
Randy attempted 3 IUI cycles (intra-uterine insemination) all of which were
unsuccessful. Corey also had to undergo laparoscopy surgery to remove cysts and
spots of endometriosis. The surgery caused her to lose a great deal of her
eggs. In the new year 2012, they decided to pursue IVF (in-vitro fertilization)
In March, they transferred 3 five day embryos.
6 days after the transfer, Corey was rushed to
the emergency room with the worst pain she’d ever experienced. They admitted
her on and off for weeks at a time, not knowing what the problem really was.
They finally got the results back from the embryo transfer. Another
unsuccessful attempt. Negative. She experienced 104 degree fevers off and
on throughout the insane rollercoaster of being admitted and discharged
time and time again. They found internal bleeding. They found internal fluids
that weren’t supposed to be there. Their fertility doctor abandoned them. Corey
became septic and they weren’t sure if she was going to make it. The hospital
told them this was above their heads and they were on their own to find a
surgeon that would take their case. Randy called every surgeon in the area and
no one would help them. The risk of malpractice lawsuits was too high, and they
couldn’t find a surgeon willing to clean up another doctor’s mess.
Randy was finally able to get an appointment with
a reproductive oncologist. The doctor informed them that Corey would need a
full hysterectomy and that he would do his best to remove the infection.
Corey underwent yet another surgery, and the
doctor was able to save her uterus, but she lost most of her ovaries because
the infection grew to 12cm. The endometriosis and scar tissue from the
infection fused the bowel to her uterus and other organs, which obviously
wasn’t good news. During the surgery, a colon surgeon was present in case they
needed to do a bowel resection. The doctor later told them it was the worst
infection he’d ever seen.
Corey was finally released and home from the
hospital when she once again, became very sick. She went back to the hospital
and they had to do a blood transfusion and upper GI endoscopy to try and
discover the problem. This all went on from March until May of 2012. She was
finally cleared from the surgeon in August and had finally made a full
recovery. (Please note – a full recovery from all that still resulted in the
inability to carry children. So what is a full recovery really?)
After everything that happened, Corey and Randy
now have 2 frozen embryos from the original IVF cycle.
Because of the infection that resulted, she will
not be able to attempt any more egg retrievals, and there’s no good chance of
carrying a baby herself because of all the scar tissue.
They came across one of my ads online. They
enthusiastically read my blog, they talked to me initially, took some time to
explore all their options, and reconnected with me excited to move forward!
Like I said before, we matched on December 3rd. In
the month of December, I applied for private medical insurance through Blue
Cross. Corey was in touch with several attorneys from both Wisconsin and Utah,
where we finally got on the right track and finalized the contract. Signed,
notarized, done! I don’t have to do another psych evaluation since I’m using
the same clinic and they already have it on record. Corey and Randy completed
their psych eval shortly into the new year! They booked their plane tickets, I
started my injections and medications, I’ve been attending my weekly
ultrasounds and blood draws, and their two frozen embryo’s were shipped to
Utah!
Whew! That all took place within the last 45 days!
I thought my first journey went fast! In comparison to all the other journey’s
I follow, mine were both extraordinarily fast!!
Which is awesome. There’s enough of a waiting
game when it comes to all this without dragging out the pre-transfer details. Corey
has been spectacular! She’s on the ball and pushes hard to keep things moving.
Corey and Hope visit and exchange information, Hope has been so helpful and
wonderful!
Which brings me to Hope! One of my dearest
friends. They’re coming
to visit! I can hardly wait! I keep in touch with Hope just as we did before
Spencer was born. I love to video chat with her and see cute little Spencer.
He’s getting so big! He gives slobber kisses and has his first tooth! Hope has
been wonderfully supportive of my new journey. I had gotten so frustrated and
was to a point where I gave up trying to find another wonderful Intended
Family. No one compared to Spencer’s family. I called her on more than one
occasion emotional and frazzled. I don’t think she’ll ever really understand
how wonderful she is, and her hubby. Man we sure love them! Clark misses them
too. Hope’s mother-in-law, Beverly Nelson, won the State Mother of the Year
Award in California in 2012. I’m not surprised. She raised a wonderful man who
is now the father of baby Spencer! But Beverly is writing a book, and asked me
to contribute a small bit on being a surrogate mother. (or gestational carrier,
which is technically more accurate) I wanted to share what I wrote because
writing this little blurb gave me a chance to look back over my journey with an
emotional perspective, instead of a factually based perspective. I was able to
reflect on what carrying baby Spencer meant to me, and I’ve been given
permission to share what I contributed to the book! I hope this can be taken in
the spirit it was written….
I had become a mother at a very young age, and
that’s the only thing I’d ever really known. I saw people living, growing and
having experiences in their lives, but I’d never really had those life changing
experiences for myself. At least not the kind you want to remember.
After a life of struggles and heartache, I found
peace in God and faith in our Savior Jesus Christ. I tried to live my life
centered around the things I believe to be eternal, Family being the most
important of them all.
On the most ordinary of days, I happened upon a
mother who had suffered heartache and loss, searching for someone to carry her
most precious of possessions. A baby she was incapable of carrying herself.
There I was. In a world were I felt useless to
anyone other than my own family, having no education, no financial stability,
and no real talents, I was able to offer my time, my love, and my ability to
carry children.
With a body that finds no pleasure in being
pregnant, enduring ever increasing symptoms that made everyday life
difficult, I was able to find strength and courage in knowing that the Lord had
blessed me with the ability to have children. Despite how hard being pregnant
was for me, I knew that there were childless women longing for the chance to
hold just one precious baby in their arms. These women would give anything to
have the pregnancies I was capable of. This was something that I had been
blessed with that I wanted to give away.
It was an exciting process gearing up for the
embryo transfer and the pregnancy. We were beside ourselves at the first
glimpse of success as we learned that a baby was on it’s way!
What an incredible thing to be a part of; to
develop a friendship and life long relationship with this beautiful family. To
share in something so intimate and joyous. To be a small part of this family’s
eternity. To give something so special to the most deserving family I’d ever
met, the most patient and tender mother I’d ever known.
I was able to have one of the most incredible
experiences of a lifetime, and it’s an experience that keeps on going. An
experience I thought I’d lost my chance at, years before. Carrying baby Spencer
was the most fulfilling thing I’d ever done. It makes me feel like I can do the
impossible. It makes me want to wrap my arms around every person who’s ever
experienced heartache as a parent. It has helped me to think of others before
myself, and the pure joy and peace that comes from loving and giving is
indescribable.
I don’t know if I could ever really describe what
baby Spencer is to me. “Surrogate Mother” has been the easiest name used to
describe what I am to little Spencer, but that’s not technically what I am. Yet
“Gestational Carrier” sounds cold and unfeeling. I am so proud of sweet little
Spencer. I see him and I know that he’s the best thing I’ve ever done. He’s the
very best part of me. I was able to take the best part of me and use that to
grow a beautiful baby. What joy that brings me. Oh how I love his family. I
will always cherish our friendship. My husband and I adore all the pictures and
updates we get on a regular basis. Beautiful sentiments given to me by their family
are some of my most cherished keepsakes. I am preparing to be a part of another
family’s life the way I was with baby Spencer, and I’m excited to be a small
part of their journey, just as I was with Spencer’s family.
As a mother of three, I know what it is to love a
child unconditionally. I’ve often heard the love for a child carried by a
gestational carrier as that of an “auntie.” I would never describe what I feel
towards baby Spencer as an “auntie” sort of love. I never for one moment felt
anything maternal towards him either. I knew from the very beginning that he
wasn’t mine, and when his mother and father wrapped their arms around him for
the very first time, it felt right. So I’m content to be his Vanessa. His first
home, his mother’s friend. He’s my little buddy Spencer. While he was growing
within me, he was growing within their hearts, and that’s where he belongs.
I know huh. How cute is that!
Little guy on his very special blessing day <3 Wish I could have been there!
So there’s my reflection. And now I’m ready for
round two!
Corey and Randy will be here in exactly one week!
They want to be present for the transfer, and will spend a couple days with me
while I’m on bedrest. They only have two embryos. No pressure or anything
right? Oh man! We’ve only got one shot. It was nerve racking waiting to find
out if Hope was gonna have a baby last year! But I guess the fact that we could
always have tried again was in the back of our minds, even though it would have
been devastating nonetheless. So what would that make this? I don’t even want
to think about it. We’re just gonna think sticky thoughts and pray that this
“good growing environment” they tell me I have will be useful!
So I’ve started the injections and the
medications like I said earlier. And the migraines have begun. They are almost
daily… but so far they’ve been manageable and only last a couple hours. I’m
praying that’s the worst of it. The injections I’m on so far only hurt a
little. That good ol’ peanut butter shot of progesterone and oil doesn’t start
for 3 more days! I got to the point on those that I was fine with the injection
itself, but it was the aftermath pain from the injection that lasted several
days that was impossible to get used to! Fun stuff :) My medical insurance was
approved on January 1st!
Whoohoo! We were all relieved. It’s not always easy to get approved for private
medical insurance. Especially with the “risk of developing blood clots” and the
fact that it’s a “surrogate pregnancy” or even a pregnancy at all. We are lucky
ducks and all feeling very relieved that it worked out.
So the whole “risk of developing blood clots
during pregnancy” thing. What a nightmare. I had the surgery after Spencer, and
they said, “You’ll need to be on a simple blood thinner during future
pregnancies, and you will need to be on certain kinds of birth controls.” My
clinic said they’d still work with me, and we rapidly moved forward. Then they
ran more blood tests and came back and said, “Everything looks normal except
one minor test. We think you probably developed the blood clots during the
surgery itself and not the pregnancy, since anesthesia itself can increase your
risk of developing. So probably no need to worry about a risk during a
pregnancy.” Sweet! That was good news for me. No worries with this pregnancy or
any future pregnancies. Then the Dr. asked me to see a specialist just to be
sure. So yesterday was my appointment with a neonatologist? I think? Some kind
of specialist anyway. He’s concerned about that one stupid abnormality in my
blood work. Something about a Thrombin 3 deficiency. I dunno. Supposedly it is
extremely rare to have the deficiency, and even more rare to know that you even
have the deficiency. It’s usually pregnancy that makes it reveal itself. So
they don’t know much about it. Here’s where we’re at. There is an increased
risk of developing blood clots during pregnancy, so we’re advised to be on
Lovenox every day of the pregnancy. Which is that “simple blood thinner” I was
telling you about earlier. It’s an injection. The good news here is that I went
into all this thinking that was going to be the case, so it’s not like I went
in thinking everything was normal and then got bad news. Instead, I already had
this news going in, and was perfectly fine with it. Then I was told that
probably wasn’t the case, and then re-confirmed that it probably was the case.
So it’s all good. I drew more blood this morning to just double check that
deficiency level, but chances are that it was perfectly accurate. Which is fine
by me :) At least we confirmed what we already expected and there were no
surprises! The blood clots they found were superficial mind you. One was from
my ankle to my groin, and the other wasn’t as big. I’ve assessed all the risks,
we have discussed and mulled over everything involved here. We’re still moving
forward and we’re still perfectly excited, so I don’t want to hear anymore on
the subject of blood clots!
Moving on. As you probably already know… I talk a
lot. I have the hardest time putting what I want to say into words. Bear with
me and don’t feel obligated to keep reading!
Corey and Randy are positively wonderful. She is
so easy to talk to, and that’s so hard to find in an intended mother. When I
say she’s easy to talk to, what I mean is that she thinks a lot like me, she’s
down to earth, she’s smart, funny and so very sweet! When we’re on the phone together,
we just connect. Just like Hope and I. I don’t take that for granted. Her story
is so heartbreaking. I know so many women who can’t carry their own children. I
have met and talked to SO MANY families struggling with infertility, all
encompassing. I wish I could help all of them. But for now, I’m going to do my
very best to help Corey and Randy, and cute little Jaxston! Randy’s so great.
He’s so involved and attentive. He wants to be there every step of the way. I
remember a while back, Corey had called me and made me laugh. She was going on
about how Randy was relentlessly reading my blog and wouldn’t leave her alone
until she called me :) He’s been there for her every step of the way, through
all the pain and suffering she’s been through. He emailed me just to tell me
they were thinking of me. Hope’s hubby was the same way. Good men are hard to
find folks. I like to believe that mine is the only one out there. But I have
met some really great guys that know what it means to be an attentive and dedicated
husband and father. I’m so excited to work with Corey and Randy. And they’re
literally putting all their eggs in one basket! EEEkkk!!
My own hubby is so wonderful. I’m putting a plug
in for him because he does so much for me and is 100% by my side, no matter
what’s going on. We make a good team. He takes care of me and loves me
unconditionally. He’s my whole world and I get to share every day with him. He
was hit by a semi truck a couple weeks ago. It was a scary week for us. It was
a hit and run, and we lost our car, but he was safe and was able to come home
with only a concussion and a good case of whiplash. He’s my best friend and I
can’t imagine my life without him. I’m so glad he’ll be by my side throughout
another journey <3
Before I wrap it up, I just want to say, I know
for some of you, this seems crazy. A good handful of you have already said so.
This is such a neat thing to do, despite the hard parts. I very rarely discuss
the compensation side of things, but not only does this greatly help another
family, this helps our family immensely. It is a blessing for all involved, and
being pregnant is something I’m good at! ;) We are doing this again for many
good reasons, and we love your support. We hope you can share our enthusiasm!
So here we go!! Journey #2! It’s crazy! And
Exciting! And scary! And fun! And oh so rewarding! We can do it!
Progesterone injections … T-minus 72 hours
First visit from my new intended
family! ..T-minus 7 days!
Transfer of 2 five day embryos!
..T-minus 8 days!
Followed by the longest week of our lives of
course.
Here are the pictures to go along with the 5k for Fertility race :)
Here I am with Katie and Christa! Katie is Hope's sister-in-law (and Clark's piano teacher when he was young if you can believe that! haha) and Christa is Hope's sister! They showed up for the 5k for Fertility and raced along side me! They're the best!
On the far right is also Hope's sister-in-law Karly! (her hubby's sister :)
I'd just like to point out that these pictures were taken AFTER I ran 3 miles. that is all
